Journal Jots {June ’16}

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“She could not make sense of the things that were meant for her but she was drawn to it all. And when she was alone, she felt like the moon: terrified of the sky but completely in love with the way it held the stars.” R.M. Drake

June 12th, 2016: I love falling completely into a book. I don’t just mean liking it, I don’t mean just loving it either – I mean falling. Where I can finally shut out the rest of my day and just feel a connection with the ink and the fact someone else-somewhere in this massive world finally matched up the most beautiful words to describe the simplest of emotions.

June 13th, 2016: Leaned back in a bar stool tonight and genuinely LAUGHED with several of the girls. Not the forced laugh that hurts my throat or the dry laugh that makes me sound flattened – but real laughs. You wake up with a hangover and you tell yourself you’re never going to do it again but I’m so glad I do. I do it again and I find something new to love in each of my friends almost like rediscovering a favorite lipstick or paint color or comfy hoodie. I cherish each of their unguarded smiles and the surprised snorts and the grimaces with each terrible whiskey shot. They are wonderful human beings.

June 15th, 2016: How strange, yet comforting, to watch my younger brother step into the role of what I imagine an older brother would feel like. He constantly surprises me with the knowledge he’s obtained and the range of emotions he possesses. The one constant person in my life who could push me into a rage faster than anyone else a few years ago is now ironically the first person I turn to when I need support.

June 17th, 2016: I don’t want to devote a single second to anyone who stands by the credo: “The less you care, the less you get hurt.” I will stand for many things, I’ll forgive many things, and I’ll hand out chances left and right- but nothing destroys me worse than neutrality. Nothingness. Numbness. There is a rapidly beating organ giving everything it has every day to keep me alive under layers of skin, tendon, and muscle – why in the world would I want to waste its strength on feeling unfeeling?

June 19th, 2016: I’ll take fried pickles and hearing Carissa ask for extra salt on her margarita as the end of any day over just about anything else.

June 21st, 2016: Soft, yet pretty thorough rain. I helped some happy farmers today.

“Watch carefully, the magic that occurs, when you give a person just enough comfort to be themselves.” Atticus

June 27th, 2016: Four days without a Pepsi. Wish I could draw a gun emoji but it’ll just end up looking like a penis. I don’t want penises in my journal. Not today.

“Must we dare ourselves, double dog or triple, to live the life we wish, to speak to them, whomever the thems may be, to risk the rejection and admit the attraction, to take the steps forward?

Give compliments like glances, free and honest and unaffected by whether or not they are returned. Dare to do it, see it, say it, and hold yourself to it.”
Tyler Knott Gregson

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